Vanilla sex refers to the traditional, conventional way of mating, dismissing all kinks, fetishes, props or extras.
Depending on the person, it may even be restricted to a couple traditional positions, such as missionary, but the “traditional” position varies from person to person and from culture to culture.
The expression utilizes the original ice cream flavor example for naming the “classic” or original way of sex as “vanilla” as the classic ice cream flavor was also vanilla.
In this light, “vanilla sex” may be called plain sex or conventional sex, dismissing all extras in favor of the classic experience of love making.
It is unclear, when exactly the phrase was coined.
Spread and Usage
In the era of hardcore internet porn and the availability of all sorts of BDSM contents, practices and services, vanilla sex is a phrase that gets more and more used, to differentiate between the subcategories of coitus.
While the number of people interested in kinks and fetishes is ever growing, there are still tons of people, devoted to the traditional form of bed gymnastics.
Urban Dictionary’s first entry on the subject was uploaded in 2003, with a bunch of other definitions describing “vanilla sex” having been written since then.
- Vice – When It Comes to ‘Vanilla Sex,’ No Two People Taste the Same Flavor
- Psychology Today – Overcoming the Anxiety of Vanilla Sex
Christopher Neff posted on 11-2-2020:
So, is it okay to be 100% Vanilla, and never ever have anything to do with BDSM, kinks, and fetishes, or even trying them?
Is there other people like me left, or has BDSM taken over the world, and converted everyone, forcing me to either choose between converting myself, or staying single for the rest of my life?
I am 100% Vanilla, and have no interests, or desires whatsoever in BDSM, or Kink in any way, shape, or form. Never have, never will in a million years.
I have below zero pain tolerance, and will only ever avoid it every chance I get no matter what anyone else says, or thinks, being the fact that people have told me that if there’s no pain involved, it’s not authentic BDSM, and that it’s just wimps wanting to have the status of being edgy, cool, and mysterious, etc.
I also don’t like inflicting it, or seeing others in pain either even if I know they consented to it and are enjoying it. It still has the effect on me as if I’m the one who’s receiving it.
I don’t like Breath Play at all period, and I don’t like having my neck touched by anyone, or anything at all ever, no exceptions.
I also don’t like fear, or humiliation, degradation, or cruelty, and meanness either.
I don’t like being bound because I’m Claustrophobic.
Is there any people out there like me who are authentically 100% Vanilla like me, not because of conditioning, shame, or guilt, but because we are just that way naturally?
Where do I find one like that, and how do I make 100% certain that I end up with someone who IS 100% Vanilla like myself who will never ever desire anything Kinky?
Just so you know, I am also content with being limited, and like simplicity, peace, calm, and quiet with not a lot of activity, or stimulation going on, and I am a HUGE Home Body. I also like my actual Ice Cream the same as my sex: Just plain Vanilla, and that’s it.
I also am not very sexual either, and don’t take a lot of interest in sex, sexuality, or sexual things, or activities much if at all either. I’m not ASexual though.
I like what others would consider Mediocre.
Is all of that really so wrong, or bad that I should feel the need to fix, or change about myself?
And also, is it selfish if I break up with a partner for not being 100% Vanilla like me? I ONLY want partners with NO kinks, or fetishes? Is that okay?
The more sex articles I read online, the more, and more anxiety, depressed, and inadequate I feel. Like, there’s no one out there who is compatible with me exactly as I am.